Saturday, January 7, 2017

In My Arrogance

I wrote this on December 2, 2016 at 4:40 in the morning, unable to sleep, and revised it just now:

In my arrogance

Almighty Father please
Bury me deep
Deep beneath the dark, soft soil
Into the shadow life
Where the microbes and parasites can digest me
Bone, flesh, blood and all melting into
Primordial fecundity

For I have sinned so hard
By daring to shout my own name
Daring to take up space and hold the line.

Crush me beneath my own suffocating arrogance
I need to be broken into parts and pieces
Elemental substance.

Grind me to dust so that I can become once again
only stardust
coursing through the veins of the Earth
God herself
Filled with the choking shadow of my rage
my indignant molecules will roam freely then

Blood and bone
Flesh eaten by invertebrates
All the tiny underground creatures
Gathering in the darkness
They'll feast for days on me
Singing songs and dancing dances
Amid their finest splendor.

My arrogant refusal
My tearful shaking
Will enter the very veins of this place we call home
This place you treat as yours first and only
But though it is yours it is also ours and
me and my screams
All of our screams
And sighs and blood and flesh
All of this will melt as you bury me deep

Please, deeper.
Because we need to be compressed
Flattened so we can know
how big we truly are
Filling the veins of Earth
God herself
Black greasy veins
now exploding with the oil
coursing through your precious pipelines
More precious to you than the blood that runs
through the veins of even
your own children.

Almighty Father please
Keep spewing and sputtering
Give it all, all the hatred and fear
We need it, we crave it.
Because now I am Remedios
And it's the time when I smear my own shit
All over your palace walls
And all the walls
of every palace ever built or imagined.
That shit has all the shadow life in it
Everything for the primordial stew we need

You have rejected the natural world
All the eating and sexing and bleeding and shitting
lives beneath your notice
But it is
We are

Underneath. Crushed so small
Contents under pressure, 
keep away from flame.

But you dance with your mocking matches of
righteousness now, and the ground beneath your feet
is shifting.