Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Goodnight

My last post was three days ago, so I thought I'd better post something. My parents were in town for ten days and left this afternoon. We had a great time with them and I was sad to see them go. At the same time, it's going to be good for all of us to get back to our own daily routines. I'm tired and want to veg out a bit before sleep, so, goodnight. Sweet dreams.

Below is a photo I took at the Tutankhamen exhibit at Pacific Science Center, to which my parents treated me while they were visiting:

Friday, July 20, 2012

Happiness and Tragedy, Ignorance and Innocence

The other day I was tracking a Facebook conversation on a friend's page where, apparently, some folks had commented and had their comments deleted by said friend because they weren't safe for kids as far as she was concerned, and she has several youngish kids as friends.

One person was taking the position that he preferred to keep it "real", saying among other things that "innocence is ignorance" and a person isn't doing kids any favors by keeping the truth of how the world works from them. This got me thinking about how, growing up, I somehow got the idea that happy people are stupid, and the happier, the stupider. Over the years though, and after years of life and therapy, I've come to change my views somewhat. My current thinking comes down to two central ideas: One, that innocence is (as the above commenter astutely pointed out) a fairly recent phenomenon in human childhood, and corresponds with the level of priveldge one has. Two, what is "real"? I think when we talk about keeping it real, being real, etc., we're usually talking about the horrors of life, the negative stories of the world. But isn't the love and joy just as real as the horror?

Today, I woke up to the news that 12 people had been killed at a screening of Dark Knight Batman in Aurora, Colorado. Horrible, sad news. I felt just sick to think about the grief their loved ones must be feeling. I played a song, I posted some words on my Facebook page. And then, I went about my day. Packing a lunch for myself, our two daughters, and my parents, who are visiting from the Midwest and had plans to take us to Vashon Island to visit some friends. Seeing my husband off to work, getting dressed, getting breakfast, cleaning up. Getting on the ferry, buying criminally over priced treats for the kids, getting off the ferry. Breathing the amazing air, fresh with the scent of recent rain. Watching an egret dive for fish in the Puget Sound. Watching my two year old climb a ladder, and my five year old push her little sister on the "big kid swing" higher than I would ever consider doing. Watching the little one hanging on tight, wind in her hair and glee in her face. Watching Grandma and Grandpa play with the girls, and visiting an old family friend on their farm. Visiting chickens and horses, cats and dogs.

And still, the victims of today's massacre are no less dead, their loved ones no less aggrieved. But at the same time that the joy doesn't cancel out the horror, neither does the horror cancel out the joy. Innocence is a privilege, and one I feel lucky to be able to give my children for as long as they'll allow. The joys and miracles of life are no less real in the face of senseless tragedy. Indeed, it is in times of senseless rage, senseless grief, that we must lean into those little miracles. The glow of a cat's soft fur, the clumsy answer to a child's question "How did everyone get born?"

So yes, let's get real. Let's talk about real things, heartful things. Things that are horrific, things from which we must never turn away. And then, let's remember the egret, the trees, and the smell of the air. Because those things, after all, are why we're here.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Butterfly

I have a lot on my mind, including a blog post in progress, but I'm just too tired right now. So below you'll see a picture of a butterfly. It's camouflaged. See if you can find it.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Big

Life is so big, so full of itself. Last night I couldn't sleep for thinking about all the many things I want to do over the next few weeks and months, and feeling like too many things are happening too fast. I just want to stop time, linger in this place right here where Grace is a nutbrained toddler and Willow is a sweet, protective big sister about to embark on the huge adventure that is kindergarten. Where by 3 pm I'm too exhausted to see straight and I fall in love every night anew with Brent. At least I know that last part won't change. That much I do know.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Habits

I haven't blogged in almost two weeks. I wasn't sure how long it had been and I was surprised to see it had been so long. I've been thinking about blogging and knowing I haven't posted in a while, and as I thought about that I realized that I was out of the habit, or, more precisely, in the habit of not blogging rather than in the habit of blogging.

So tonight I'm getting back into the habit of blogging.

Below is a picture of a grape in Grace's hand. The other day she said "Can you take a picture of this grape then I eat it?" So I did.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Soccer

Both girls have their first soccer classes ever tomorrow. We have to leave the house at 8 am, so I'm off to bed.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Before and After

I've started taking before and after pictures in the garden as I work, so I can see and get a sense that I'm making progress. It's so hard to see the small improvements and easy to focus on what has yet to be done. The pictures below are of our front path. It took about 10 minutes for me to clear that section.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Not Feelin' It

I've missed the past two days posting. I just haven't been in the mood exactly. I have a long post I've been working on for the past couple weeks that I really just need like 45 minutes of solid time to finish, and I haven't found the time. But I have a feeling that my reasoning isn't very clear. It's not a writer's block exactly, it's almost the inverse. I have so many thoughts and ideas that I can't keep up, and I get overwhelmed and feel paralyzed. Also I start to feel mad and resent the fact that I haven't taken the time I need to finish the work, or that I don't "have enough" time. Then I sort of rebel by not posting. A sort of "perfect or nothing" scenario. So here is my beginning for breaking this pattern of freezing when things start feeling difficult.