I dedicate this poem to my incredible and wonderful husband Brent, who is also the father of our two sweet and beautiful daughters.
before our babies
came to us i
cloaked myself in gull feathers, dune grass, and seaweed
the dog and i together guzzling
the scents of the sea.
then, there was that night
all the blood of our little Quinn
went into the toilet and the cat
curled up on my belly,
helping us say goodbye.
after that my cloaks were dust
falling from my shoulders
and the water from the fountain near the pier
became a tonic
for the immeasurable.
then, there was that morning
when unbelievably, again, perhaps.
each day became a prayer, a mantra, a salvation
pruning and weeding all day then
picking up the dog and walking her home
planning our future as three instead of two.
and there she was, my little fish
flipping and flapping out into the world,
filled with the promise of the waves, and the salt, and the stone.
and then later, again.
in the morning instead of the night,
within seconds we would have been five, then we were four again,
the second joined his brother, leaving us three again.
then the night came in like a tide,
washing away so much
i hardly could imagine
what might not be crushed
under the darkened sky.
then it came,
that one more morning,
so quiet and precious this little treasure
she remained secret until she could no longer
and again there were plans
and charms of protection.
then suddenly there she was, our little bird
slipping out so quietly
i cloak myself again
and there are feathers, and seaweed, and dune grass
but also rocks, little words, and wind
oh so much glory
in this sun, this sea, this world
waves turning, rolling, breaking
turning, rolling, breaking.